What is The Armchair World Cup?

Well, how keen are you to go to Russia? A country where the hooligans say they are going to kill English fans, led by a corrupt dictator who has, in the past, encouraged these hooligans… And let’s not get started on Putin’s many other ideas…

Yes, we’re safer in our armchairs. So rather than refer to it as Russia World Cup – I’ll refer to it as a place that is safe, and is located in a country that should have been given the World Cup anyway – my armchair.

And I will be reporting with a blog on the tournament every match day to recap the main events, and the main controversies.

(Please note: my armchair may actually mean my sofa, but only as I don’t actually own an armchair.)

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Opening Day

On paper, the opening game didn’t promise much. Russia Vs Saudi Arabia – both starting lineups boasting players who only play in their home nations.

In fact, Saudia Arabia paid La Liga loads of money to send their players on loan to get more experience last season. Their playing time totalled 35 mintues.

Both of these teams did, however, need the win if they stood a chance of qualifying from the group stages. They share the group with Saurez’s Uruguay and Salah’s Egypt – this may be the game where they need to pick up points. This game could help decide second place.

Spoiler: Russia win 5-0.


I will now re-evaluate what I wrote.

With the group possibly coming down to goal difference, it is important for each team to see how much they can score against Saudi Arabia. Those goals could help decide second place.

Honestly, you don’t want to be disrespectful to a team competing in the World Cup, especially a team who topped their group above Japan and Australia to get there – but they are really, exceedingly, proper, undeniably NAFF. I’ve seen better teams on grassroots pitches on a Sunday morning.

They couldn’t even pass the ball between two centre-backs without kicking it out. If you put Hatherly Rovers Reserves in front of the sold-out 81,006 stadium in green kits there would be little difference.

The only thing worse than supporting this team is the prospect of having to hear Glenn Hoddle’s nonsensical commentaries for the next four weeks.

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Saudi Arabia is very hot, meaning the league is a bit slower – meaning it’s no surprise that their counter attacks are fluffed out with ease, they lose the physical battle, and struggle to keep pace when defending. They conceded some world class goals, but world class keepers and defenders would have been unlikely to concede them.

What are the odds on Saudi Arabia not scoring any in the tournament?

Worth a tenner…